There is a difference between Christmas and Xmas. The former is concerned with the beginning of a revolution in our relationship with God. The latter is yet another marketing ploy to increase profits (and our carbon footprint on the earth).

Harsh words, I know. But true.

Think of the expense of Xmas. Think of the rubbish and recycle aftermath. (Remember, even recycling costs energy and has an impact on the greenhouse effect.)

Think also of the millions who are starving while we glutton ourselves. Who have no homes while we wade through xmas paper littered lounge rooms. Who are alone, without family or friends, while we drink and babble with our guests.

There’s nothing wrong with celebrating or socializing - only with the extremes with which we do so at Christmas when there are so many who lack even the basic requirements of life.

In the 12 days of Christmas thirty-six thousand children are going to die needlessly because we did nothing. There are at least 100 days of Xmas - just try to remember when you first saw Xmas decs and cards in the shops. In those 100 shopping days of Xmas, three-hundred thousand children will die.

So pardon me, if I am a little unimpressed with Xmas.

And so, just as XMAS is a festive commercial alternative to Christmas, I have created a festive commercial alternative to The Lords Prayer. I hope you don’t like it!

Our father, who art in Toyland,
Santa be your name,
Your presents come, your prices numb,
From Kmart to Seven-Eleven.
Give us this year your Xmas cheer,
With high interest loans for the needy,
For yours is the profit and the debt
Forever and ever.

O man!